Thursday, September 25, 2008

Where Have I Been?

Since my last post on Sept. 17, we've had some not-so-good, life-altering events occur in our family that have kept me from being here like I should.

First, last Thursday night (Sept. 18) Blondie moved out. We've been going through some rough patches with her the last couple of months as she's made some poor choices. Try as we might to get her back on track, she decided she'd rather follow a different path than the one she's envisioned all her life. She's out there now without a car or job or phone or computer or money or insurance or anything. But she's a young adult and invincible so we have no choice but to let her make her own mistakes life choices. As a parent, it's an incredibly hard pill to swallow, watching your child go into self-destruct mode. Lest I fall apart again right here right now, I'd best leave it at that...

Then on Saturday (Sept. 20), I was taking Sportster to his football game with Wild Man in tow. We got into a pretty bad fender bender. Well, the third vehicle involved has a fender bender. The car I pulled in front of is totaled, as is my car.

Sportster was riding in the front passenger seat and received a direct hit.

I blacked out at the point of impact. When I came to, I found Sportster lifeless, leaning in toward me, with his head tilted back between our two seats. He was unconscious for a few minutes.

He has a concussion. But not just your ordinary concussion. His is also accompanied by memory loss. This makes it more severe, much more prone to more concussions, and much more likely that subsequent concussions will result in greater memory loss, brain damage, retardation or even becoming a vegetable. Yeah, serious stuff.

We have pulled him from football. He is still technically on the team and will be there on the sidelines with his team during home games. But he will not play. No game is worth his brain. Five years of football, and this is how it ends.

His physical activities at school are limited as well. He continues to have recurring headaches; he can not participate in physical activities until those headaches subside. This is a hardship for him. After all, there is a reason I've dubbed him "Sportster". He's having a hard time with the new reality that he cannot participate in PE or recess activities right now. Bless his little heart.

They tell us he must go 6 months - 1 year with no more concussions in order for his health risks to go back down to that of a normal post-concussion patient. He will be under our watchful eye and reduced activities for a long time to come.

Ironically, the only outward sign that he stopped a speeding car with his head is a laceration over his right eye. Next Tuesday is Picture Day at school. With that shiner on his eye, we'll have a forever reminder of this not-so-wonderful time in our lives.

We are extremely thankful, though. It could have been much much worse.

Wild Man was seated behind me in the back seat. He did not black out,so he remembers everything. He saw the airbags deploy. He saw the smoke from the airbags. He saw the rearview mirror fly through the air, hit Sportster's door, ricochet back through the air to bounce off his own door in the backseat and come to a rest at his feet. He remembers it all. He was initially shaken up at the scene, particularly when he saw the emergency personnel trying to extract Sportster from the car and then watched as they worked over Sportster. But he's one tough cookie and is doing very well, with no signs of emotional trauma.

As for me, well, I'm black and blue and red from the seatbelt. I've got a laceration on my arm which I think is from the steering wheel's airbag cover. Headaches, dizziness. But nothing which I can't handle. This is the worst of my boo-boo's on my belly:

Mostly, I'm dealing with a lot of guilt. The accident was my fault. I am the type of person who's very hard on themselves anyway. But when you throw injuring my own child into the mix...well, it'll take me a very long time to forgive myself for this one. Not sure the day will ever come.

In any case, there you have it. That's where I've been the last week.

They say bad things happen in 3's. The roof should be caving in at any moment.


tales from an O.C. cottage said...

Oh don't beat yourself up!We are, none of us perfect, we are just us.
You are all ok, that is a very good thing!!

M ^..^


Accidents happen and that is why they are called "accidents". Please try not to blame yourself, I know this is easier said than done, but we know as Mothers that we would never put our kids in harms way on purpose! I am so glad all of you are okay, maybe bruised but okay.